And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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