Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
