when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
