Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
