i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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