i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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