Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
