i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
