Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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