cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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