you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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