she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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