A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
