I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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