He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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