I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
