I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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