my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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