I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
