You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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