I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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