Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
