if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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