Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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