Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
