there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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