Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
