Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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