Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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