OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
