he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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