I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
