he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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