KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am mentally ready for anal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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