I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
