Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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