Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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