Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
