I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
