i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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