You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
