there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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