i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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