hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
