is your mom at the bar?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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