Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
