you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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