u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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