i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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