There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
