When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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