Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
nutella sex= disaster
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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