I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
