NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
