party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
